i used to write poetry
like i knew what i was doing
but
i never did
i still don’t
i’ve worn lost like a badge of honour
like a wayward explorer
but
really
i just don’t want to be found
i have stood
and listened
to the telling
at the yelling
and then i’ve silently sat
thinking ‘well, what about that?’
i have realised there’s lost
and then there’s lost
and they are not the same
one is a bit romantic
the other not so much
and maybe i’ve made excuses
even though i always say
‘never make excuses’
but
really
i think everyone does
people say
‘i wouldn’t do anything differently’
i used to say
‘i wouldn’t change a thing’
but
i absolutely would
do every thing differently
and
i absolutely would
change some things
i don’t have regrets
not because
i don’t have them
but
instead
because i choose not to think about them
when you can’t change what’s been
what’s the point of thinking about
what
could
have
i have found two places
where my mind can wander
unencumbered;
doing the dishes
and
standing under running water
i think time is irreplaceable
and there is none to waste
but
really
every now
and again
i zone out
doing the dishes
or
standing under running water
and i know
now
that is one of the most precious ways
to savour it
i live
and will die
by two words
back yourself
i will whisper
back yourself
every time
all the time
until
i
whisper
no
more
SANDI SIEGER. 