There’s going to be a lot of people happy to see the back of 2020. I won’t necessarily be. I don’t buy into the idea of ‘good’ or ‘bad’ years. Time is a gift — even, and especially, the hard times — and what drives me, every day, is the desire to live like I mean it.
Seneca once wrote, “It’s not that we have a short time to live. Just that we waste a lot of it.” Seems he was onto something over 2,000 years ago. What I know is things don’t accidentally happen in life. You don’t magically wind up where you want to be.
It’s a controversial statement for 2020, but I’ve had a pretty marvellous year. I credit a lot of it to my daily MiGoals practice — every morning I review my goals, brain dump tasks and to-dos, hopes and wishes, I list what I’m grateful for and what habits I want to form. At night, I reflect on how I could have made my day better and celebrate my wins.
What I know is small steps in every day moments result in big changes. Don’t ask me where I want to be in five or ten years — I’m not that type of goal digger. Ask me what I want to achieve today. Who I want to be tomorrow. What I want to contribute to the world this year. What I want to savour right now.
I spent almost eight months in lockdown this year. A lot was missed and lost, but a lot was also gained. I got fitter. I rebranded @campawakenings, then launched an online store. I wrote. I redesigned this blog. I got stronger. I relaunched @MelbWritersClub. @OnyaMag had its biggest year in business. Ever.
I’ve got some big, soul-filling goals for 2021. Maybe you do, too. My suggestion would be to start now. Don’t spend another moment, let alone year, doing the same shit. Every tiny little habit you tick off each day is a vote for who you want to become. Not enough people dare to dream big, let alone have the courage to map out their dreams and then chase them.
Do the work. Show up for yourself. Sit with yourself. Be honest to yourself. Be brave in your choices. Then get at it. No one is coming to save you, to help you, to fix you. What you want isn’t going to land in your lap or fall from the sky. Dream, plan, work. Hold yourself accountable. And repeat.
Growing Up Italian.
My first piece for Italy Segreta is live and it’s a personal one on displacement, belonging and family.
“I was born and raised in Melbourne, Australia, but people always ask me where I come from. My parents were born in Italia; my Mum in Abruzzo and my Dad in Friuli. They migrated to Australia separately, with their respective families, and met in Melbourne when they were in their twenties.
Growing up, I wasn’t sure where I was placed. I was Australian, but not completely. I was Italian, but not fully. At home, in Australia, they call me The Italian. In Italy, when I visit, they refer to me as L’Australiana.”
Read the full article here.
Almost Two Months.

Day 54.
Almost two months.
Of juggling and wading and balancing and shifting.
Almost two months of going through the gamut of human emotion.
Almost two months of elation and sadness and confusion and productivity and exhaustion and positivity and cocooning and laughter and frustration.
I made a decision almost two months ago, one I didn’t even consciously realise at the time; this whole experience wasn’t going to happen to me — I was going to happen to it.
That if I couldn’t go anywhere, I’d instead go inside myself. And ask some questions.
Like why do I think the way I think? Am I using my full potential? What does success mean to me? What do I want to change? What habits do I want to foster? What stories do I tell myself? What really matters to me?
I have pages of questions and more pages of answers.
I have fostered new habits.
I have dug deep and I’m not nearly at the bottom.
I’ve realised there’s some things I miss about ‘normal’ life, but some I absolutely don’t.
There’s some things I can’t wait to get back to, and some things I never will.
I knew this period would offer growth, and clarity, but I didn’t realise quite how much.
I love getting uncomfortable — I’ve made a life out of it — but I haven’t often enough allowed the space for things to get really quiet. And really still.
Because that’s genuinely uncomfortable.
Sitting — still, silent — with yourself.
Now I do it on the daily.
And, almost two months on, I can say with absolute assurance that you will bloom if you take the time to water yourself.
Also — I’m still living in playsuits.
Courage And Cause.

“I was waiting for something extraordinary to happen, but as the years wasted on nothing ever did unless I caused it.” — Charles Bukowski
I think about that quote, one of my favourites, a lot. In many ways, it’s one of the defining manners by which I live my life. Not the waiting bit, I’m no good at that. But the bit about causing things to happen. I get that.
I sometimes wonder, like I was just now, walking around in the glorious autumn sunshine, ‘how did I get so lucky?’ ‘Why am I so blessed?’ ‘Why me?’ and then I realised it’s not by chance, not by coincidence, not by fate, and certainly not by luck. It’s because I caused it.
Because I’ve been ferociously protective of where I invest my energy. Because I’ve gotten uncomfortable. Because I’ve done the work. Because I’ve shown up. Because I keep showing up — even, and especially — when it’s hard and inconvenient and tricky and messy.
It’s because I’ve gone deep. Because I’ve taken responsibility. Because I’ve owned my choices. Because I’ve lived in accordance with my values. Because I’ve believed in myself — backed myself. Because I’ve operated from a space of no judgement — no judgement on others, on myself. Because I’ve chosen, and continue to choose, my attitude. Every single day.
It’s because of these things that I find myself here — mid global pandemic, in the throes of social isolation, with an empty schedule and a strange new normal — filled with gratitude. Occupied with excitement. Loaded with love. Exploding with ideas. Executing plans.
You don’t accidentally wind up living a life that makes you burst out of bed each morning, one that fulfils you, one that enriches others, one that makes you proud.
It takes guts, and courage, and gumption, and nerve, and an abundance of never-ending work. And all of that is reliant on you taking action. On making things happen. On causing it.
I’m reminded of the old Latin proverb; ‘fortune favours the brave.’
Turns out, it’s true.
Give Me The City That Never Sleeps.

give me the city that never sleeps
with its constant buzz and grimy bars
the one we end up strewn across
from hotel lobbies to unnamed cars
i don’t need to scream
make me forget how to breathe instead
tangle your fingers through my hair
enmesh yourself in my bed
drink me in, the way you do a good red wine
slowly, at first, just one sip
let the crushed grape linger on the back of your tongue
then hold it there and feel the bite against your lip
you crave kisses by the truckload
you know i long for them too
the nape of my neck, the curve on your chest
i’ll never stop devouring you
you love my pure heart
you want my dirty mind
come home to them both and tempt fate
it’s only in seeking that you may find
Give Me What I Crave.

give me what i crave
those hands in my hair
force me against the wall
your heart beating bare
i want that delicate balance
your fingerprints covering my skin
yet wrap me in your arms
in your lips, your grip, your sin
take me, silently, break me, tenderly
until your kisses erase my scars
bruise my lips, devour me whole
show me what it means to see stars
i might have my demons
and you might have yours too
but mine are far more trouble
because all my demons look like you
A Great Perhaps.

the poet spoke seven last words
“i go to seek a great perhaps”
but i don’t want to wait until i die
when it’s time to join the birds
to start seeking a great perhaps
to finally feel like i can fly
i want to feel this life while i’m in it
uncaged, vibrant, brutally conscious, free
perhaps
oh what a word
filled with so much possibility
perhaps
is an uncomfortable place
but what a place to be
true
free
it’s the life for me
perhaps
perhaps
there’s nowhere i’d rather be
Love Me Reckless.
grab my hair
like you grabbed my heart
forcefully, with both fists
slide your hands down
my back, my hips
soak me in
those lips, your fingertips
i want it
the tornado of your love
gripped to my curves
take me, flood me, break me
don’t love me tenderly
love me reckless
render me breathless
A Beautiful Moment In Time.
“Don’t deny your fire,” he said. “Just be who you are and burn.”
Whenever the sky is hazy and pink, I think of him. And what he said. In that beautiful moment in time.
“March on solider,” he said, as he pulled me up from the ground by my left shoulder, while I wiped tears from my cheek. Whenever things get tough, I think of him. And what he said. In that beautiful moment in time.
“Everything else is just extra,” he said, as he swigged the rest of his coffee and threw his jacket on. “It’s all glitter and sparkles.” And he was right. In that beautiful moment in time.
“It’s okay to ricochet between certainties and doubts,” he said. And it is. Whenever I’m in between, I think of him. And what he said. In that beautiful moment in time.
Merry, Forever. Happy, Always.
I felt a lump swell in the base of my throat yesterday.
I instantly knew what it was.
I’ve felt it a couple of times this year already; in the days leading up to my birthday, and Father’s Day, and his birthday.
It’s unmistakable – a sharp bulge, that intensifies the more I try to quash it.
Gulp.
Gulp.
Gulp.
But it remains.
I wonder if it’ll be like this forever.
I suspect it might still be too early to know.
There’s been a lot of ‘firsts’ this year.
First without this, and first without that.
People say it gets easier with the seconds and thirds.
I’m not convinced.
Time passes, time heals. Maybe. But it doesn’t erase.
And I wouldn’t want it to.
So many years of saturated memories; tinsel flooded floorboards, and sunburn, tables overflowing with food, and cherry stained fingertips. Music permeating the walls. Laughter, over the crunch of wrapping paper.
For the most part, this Christmas won’t be all that different from any other.
There’ll just be one person missing.
It’s disconcerting how life ticks along, as though the people who once loomed so large were never there at all.
But of course they were.
I’ve got little interest in popping crackers or faking festivity over small talk with people I’ve no partiality to.
I just want to be around the people I love, that get it.
The ones that you don’t have to explain anything to, because they know.
It’s funny, what, and who, you’re drawn to after loss. The comfort you find in the familiar, the warmth in revisiting old memories, and with it, old feelings.
I like being close to that.
And as far away as possible from the rest of it.
It’s hard to describe – the immense sense of loss, the extensive gaping hole – because it is entirely at odds with – sublime happiness, genuine excitement – and here I am, occupied by all of them, at once.
It is both melancholic, and marvellous. Delicate, and misinterpreted. Complex, and cathartic. Light, and dark.
The lump comes.
And goes.
It’s unmistakable.
But maybe instead of trying to quash it, I’ll just let it linger.
It’s a nice reminder, in some ways.
To stay near the people, and do the things, that feel like light.
Not just for a season.
Merry, forever.
Happy, always.