Earlier this year I made a decision to not spend any time with people that I don’t like.
I cannot tell you how incredibly liberating that decision has been.
There’s a certain freedom attached to being honest – with yourself and with others. And my decision has also resulted in another welcome side effect: the gaining of time.
I value time. Heck, we all complain that there is not enough of it.
It’s not until you stop doing some things that you realise we, perhaps, may not be as time poor as we like to think we are.
We’re just spending our time on the wrong things.
In my case, on the wrong people. People that, honestly, I’m just not that into.
I’ve realised there’s nothing wrong with saying that. There are an abundance of people in my life that I do care about.
And what I have now discerned is that it’s cretinous to not spend time with people I love, and find time for people that I simply don’t.
I have spent a lot of time – on the telephone, across wooden tables at cafes, over email – talking and listening to people that I wouldn’t carry a torch for.
And I’m only interested in having people in my life that I admire, and respect, and like. People that I carry a torch for, and people that carry one for me in return.
I don’t need fillers in my life. I know too many amazing people to settle for anyone second rate. I have no interest in bearing depleted energy levels thanks to someone I don’t take a liking to – because I’ve realised I don’t actually care what they are saying, and feigning interest is a way of lying to myself.
The truth is; I don’t care. About them. Their opinion. Their life. Their family.
And that’s where the freedom enters. I have cleared entire folders in my brain, created literal space, just by clicking delete.
Someone I don’t like rang me the other day. I took their call – and I didn’t bother being delighted about it, because I wasn’t. I didn’t bother asking them how they were, because I didn’t care. I didn’t stretch the conversation out any further than what I could be bothered with, because I couldn’t be bothered. I didn’t say the common tagline we all throw around, “We should catch up soon,” because I don’t want to. As such, the phone call was pleasant, but short.
That same day, I spoke to three other people – that I love. Those conversations were longer, happier, full of bother and interest.
The magnificent thing about the whole process is: there’s nothing hard about it. The only hard part is being honest with yourself and admitting that there are people you know that you don’t care about. People in your life that you’re just not that into.
I have unfriended, hidden and unfollowed all the people I don’t like on social media sites I use. I have deleted contacts from my BlackBerry. I have delisted, directed and dispersed of all the useless crap in my life – including people.
And I’ve never felt better.