I’m Just Not That Into Them.

Earlier this year I made a decision to not spend any time with people that I don’t like.

I cannot tell you how incredibly liberating that decision has been.

There’s a certain freedom attached to being honest – with yourself and with others. And my decision has also resulted in another welcome side effect: the gaining of time.

I value time. Heck, we all complain that there is not enough of it.

It’s not until you stop doing some things that you realise we, perhaps, may not be as time poor as we like to think we are.

We’re just spending our time on the wrong things.

In my case, on the wrong people. People that, honestly, I’m just not that into.

I’ve realised there’s nothing wrong with saying that. There are an abundance of people in my life that I do care about.

And what I have now discerned is that it’s cretinous to not spend time with people I love, and find time for people that I simply don’t.

I have spent a lot of time – on the telephone, across wooden tables at cafes, over email – talking and listening to people that I wouldn’t carry a torch for.

And I’m only interested in having people in my life that I admire, and respect, and like. People that I carry a torch for, and people that carry one for me in return.

I don’t need fillers in my life. I know too many amazing people to settle for anyone second rate. I have no interest in bearing depleted energy levels thanks to someone I don’t take a liking to – because I’ve realised I don’t actually care what they are saying, and feigning interest is a way of lying to myself.

The truth is; I don’t care. About them. Their opinion. Their life. Their family.

And that’s where the freedom enters. I have cleared entire folders in my brain, created literal space, just by clicking delete.

Someone I don’t like rang me the other day. I took their call – and I didn’t bother being delighted about it, because I wasn’t. I didn’t bother asking them how they were, because I didn’t care. I didn’t stretch the conversation out any further than what I could be bothered with, because I couldn’t be bothered.  I didn’t say the common tagline we all throw around, “We should catch up soon,” because I don’t want to. As such, the phone call was pleasant, but short.

That same day, I spoke to three other people – that I love. Those conversations were longer, happier, full of bother and interest.

The magnificent thing about the whole process is: there’s nothing hard about it. The only hard part is being honest with yourself and admitting that there are people you know that you don’t care about. People in your life that you’re just not that into.

I have unfriended, hidden and unfollowed all the people I don’t like on social media sites I use. I have deleted contacts from my BlackBerry. I have delisted, directed and dispersed of all the useless crap in my life – including people.

And I’ve never felt better.

14 thoughts on “I’m Just Not That Into Them.

  1. Good post, Sandi.

    I also believe that everyone should make a list of who is in their lives from time to time; then you can evaluate why you have let them into yours and if they should remain a part of it any longer.

    In the past 12 months I have shed many, many friends in real life and digitally (over about 250 in all) owing to this process. I felt so much better for casting off otherwise toxic or dead relationships.

  2. Good one, Sandi! I deleted old contacts from my phone yesterday, blocked people on Twitter, put a lot of people on limited profile on Facebook (some day, I’ll have the balls to properly unfriend them), and it felt positively liberating.

  3. You’re so very wise Sandi! Such a great point you make, by getting rid of the fillers in life you gain time.

  4. Great post lady! With never enough hours in the day why waste time on people who are not challenging and stimulating us?! What a refreshing and honest way to approach the way you spend your already full weeks.

  5. I stumbled across this blog and was so pleased someone else has done this. I did this some time ago, and felt bad about it but at the same time completely liberated. I’ve always found time for all my friends, but as time goes by and it is starting to rush by these days, I need to focus on people who I actually want to spend time with not that I think I should spend time with. Time is precious.

  6. What a great post Sandi !!! Good to see this topic being written about it as itn seems so taboo !! After returning from being overseas for 3 years in 2009, I definately went through the culling process (deleted contacts from mobile, defriended people on Facebook, stopped calling and emailing people) as I realised all these people I had relied and depended on for so long were just not there anyway and I seemed to care more about them and their lives than they did about me ! If I did not call people, they did not call me. I am not angry about it all now (I was at the time though). I changed and people changed and life goes on and people are busy with their own lives. I just did not want to run around for people anymore, I had to live my life. So my circle has shrunk significantly but I am fine, life goes on. I also realise people come in and out of your life for a reason, and so long as I have my husband, my house, my health, 2 cats, and chocolate life is fine.

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