I Am

Living The Width Of Life, Not Just The Length Of It

The past few months have been a bit of a blur.

They’ve gone so fast, it almost feels as though only a week or two have passed, but in the very same breath, looking back over them seems like an eternity.

They’ve been filled with wonderful moments, challenging moments, laughs, successes, disappointments and moments of hair-pulling frustration.

They’ve been busy. Jam-packed. Running from appointment to meeting to event and from thought to idea to phone call. Running a business, or two or three, and a household, and experiencing all the beautiful intricacies of every day life.

And I’m a little bit over it.

Not any of the actual things I’ve been doing, but the way I go about doing them.

I’m over rushing. Constantly having to switch my brain from task to task. And I’m over the same old, the exact same thing repackaged as new and interesting.

This morning, I sat back and looked at a list I made about what I wanted for/from 2012 and I realised that one of the things on there is the very reason my life has been manic:

Take advantage of every good offer that comes my way.

I’ve decided to take that back. I’m erasing it from my list.

This pursuit, this chase, this fear of losing an opportunity or missing out on something; it’s not for me.

I get a lot of good offers, for lots of good things – but 89.7% of them do not fulfill me in the way a meaningful conversation does, or producing some really good work does.

And, truth be told, the best offers are those that come from meaningful conversations and producing really good work.

I don’t intend to come across as spoilt or immodest here, but every single brilliant opportunity I’ve ever had in my life – from personal to career – have either come directly to me, without a chase, or have come in moments of being totally content and relaxed.

I’ll still accept good offers – but I’m going to be far more picky and choosy about them.

I don’t want my diary to be so full; in fact, I want to see blank boxes, just begging for something spontaneous or self-indulgent to fill them. Maybe, even, more time to do the things I love; reading, writing and taking photographs, like I had planned at the start of this year.

This morning I decided that from now on I’m going to be very picky. Fortunately, I can be. I love what I do so much, that I find it difficult not doing it. Instead of chasing things that I’m only semi-interested in, I’m going to suffocate myself with those I’m madly in love with.

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10 thoughts on “Living The Width Of Life, Not Just The Length Of It

  1. kimberleyms says:

    I always get excited when I see a new post from you Sandi because I know it will be a gem. I know exactly what you’re talking about (although on a slightly less manic scale I imagine) and the chase is certainly exhausting.
    Whenever we achieve something we don’t sit back and smile at what we’ve done, we’re always on the hunt for the next big milestone. It’s time to smell the roses we’ve spent so long planting and tending to. xx

    • Thanks so much Kim – that warms my heart!

      You’re spot on – that contentment, being happy in the now, and – not settling – but enjoying what you have is something that’s really resonating with me right now.

      xxx

  2. Thank you for reminding me that at not all that long ago, I decided that 2012 was the year of the “No!”. I, too, have struggled to maintain any sort of commitment to such an unrealistic ideale but I’m not sure if I actually want to change it or not. Watch this space! xx

  3. Oh Sandi, you could be describing my year too! It’s been my first year of self employment and it has been a jam packed couple of months of triumphs and challenges, joys and tearful frustrations in equal measure. Like you, I think I’ve been saying yes to everything out of fear that I’ll miss out on something amazing, or people won’t ask again if I say no. I too have been feeling lately that I’m missing something and that there is a better way to do all this without feeling so swamped and frustrated and like I’m always playing catch up! I think my time management needs attention but I also need to develop a sense of when to walk away from a project that’s proving to be far more trouble than it’s worth rather than continuing to waste energy on it. Thank you for the great food for thought, as always! x

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