I Do, I Know

I’m Trying To Be Less Judgemental.

I’m trying to be less judgemental.

About everything.

I don’t think I’m an inherently judgemental person, but I do make judgements. And it’s only after sitting back and consciously not judging, that I registered how much time I have spent doing so.

It’s wasted time. It’s negative time. And I’ve realised what’s far more useful and far more positive is spending time on and for yourself.

I’d rather have a bath than go out to dinner and listen to someone hypothesise about their neighbour’s lifestyle or their friend’s situation; there’s no good that comes from that, no use or benefit, and certainly no improvement. And there’s no fun in it.

Judgement is draining. It saps the energy out of you and only perpetuates the cycle of negativity and speculation that it thrives upon.

I don’t quite get it when people say it’s natural to judge. At what point did assuming the circumstances of someone’s life or situation become the natural thing to do? Become a perfectly accepted thing to do?

I’ve judged people on their ability. On their clothing. On their family situation. On their house. On their job. On their car. On where they eat. On who they spend time with. On their book collection. On their attitude. And what has that done for me?

Nothing.

Blatantly declaring that someone is an awful writer doesn’t make me a better one. Thinking that someone’s clothes are hideous doesn’t make mine look any nicer.

We judge because we want to feel better about ourselves. Because we want to distinguish our situation from another. Separate any similarities and then tear the rest to shreds.

I’ve discovered that if you spend the time once exhausted on judgement – the thinking it, the gossiping it – and turn it towards yourself, you will not only grow, but soar.

Working towards being a better person is more valuable than chatting about people you work with.

My grandmother used to say, and this is a literal Italian translation so some of its beauty is lost in translation, that if you kick every stone on the street you’ll need a brand new pair of shoes every week.

I’ve realised that nothing is more accurate. Kicking stones, making judgements, spreading negativity – all it leaves you with is fatigue and vexation. And holes in your shoes.

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4 thoughts on “I’m Trying To Be Less Judgemental.

  1. This post raises some interesting points. I don’t believe the act of judging is negative, in fact the judgements you make and the feelings that come up can teach you a lot about the values, beliefs that are dear to you. These values and beliefs are how you navigate and show up in your world. To judge is to have an opinion. And in my opinion judgement becomes an issue in the manner that they are put back out into the world. I agree that describing someone as an awful writer doesn’t make you a better one, but your initial judgements can Help you to become a better one by understanding the reasons that toy don’t connect with that writer. My suggestion is that you use your judgements (that will naturally come up) to become that “better” person. How, by taking those judgements and putting them out there in the world as “I” statements. I don’t connect with that writer because …… I want to enjoy dinner conversations with people who have strong opinions and can justify their judgements with grace and respect.

  2. I agree that all judgement is not negative, some is actually quite positive and constructive, and that you can learn from it, but I don’t believe plain, old judgement holds any benefit in spreading positivity – especially in the context that most people use it in.

    I do agree that you can always shift your thinking though, and turn any negative into a positive, as you’ve suggested there. But that’s a personal thing. People generally moan and whine and gossip and that’s only extended in a group context. Judging someone on their home or outfit, essentially bitching about them, is the core of what I was writing about and I believe the world would be a better place if we all did it a little less.

  3. Love this (and every other) post Sandi. I agree that it’s wasted energy and that energy could be put to better use focusing on the positives and being aware of all the great things around you. Too often people miss wonderful opportunities because they’re too busy worrying about what other people have that they don’t. x

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